The song "12 Days of Christmas" is a staple to the Christmas holiday. It drones on and on with the long pause in the middle for five golllllllllden rings and then continues the list of things the true love bought. First of all, this list carries a hefty price tag, along with some labor-law agreements, and the need for a barn (all those eight maids milking cows!), and dance floor (where do the nine ladies dance and ten lords leap?) and probably some ear plugs (eleven pipes and twelve drums could contribute to some long-term hearing loss). Because we’re obsessed with our gorgeous glass-blown, hand-painted ornaments we see it only fitting to present the 12 Days of Christmas ornament style. There are some modern twists to this list and a couple long reaches, but we’ve come up with an enjoyable and festive list none-the-less. On the first day our love gives a partridge in a pear tree. We have some options here. We have a partridge in a pear ornament, and if you hang it on your Christmas tree, then voila, you have a partridge in a pear on your tree. There’s also a plain partridge ornament for the collector who doesn’t like to complicate things, or who appreciates birds not mixed with fruit. However, for the completely bizarre would be the avocado ornament for the vegetarian take on the list. It’s shaped like pear and there’s no sign of any meat. The second day features two turtle doves. For the traditionalist, we have a love bird ornament with two pristine white doves. But, to change it up giving two turtles would give a more tropical theme to the gift. We have a tortoise, a small turtle and a green sea turtle, so you’ll have to pick two of the three for your “turtle” dove interpretation of day two. Day three features French hens, which sound so fancy. We wonder if the hens speak French and lay baguettes. Old World Christmas does feature a lovely hen ornament sitting on her fluffy nest. And do give her the French flair she deserves we recommend the baguette and Eiffel Tower ornament. More birds are on the list for day four, but this time calling birds. Originally, this bird was thought to be a “colly” bird, which was an old, old word to describe “black as coal.” Since the phrase “black bird” would wreck the cadence of the song itself, the lyric was eventually changed to “calling bird.” This could be interpreted as a lovely song a bird makes, but we’d like to interpret it as a black bird that can use a phone. Day five is the line everyone anticipates and sings with gusto. It’s also probably the only item on the list that everyone would love to receive. Even though, there is a chance that originally the “ring” could have meant a “ring-necked pheasant” and then we’d be back to a long list of birds. Either way, Old World Christmas can offer both the pheasant and the golden ring. Day six is another bird, and if you get six geese, you may want to employ the ear plugs you’ll be asking for towards the end of the list. As the bird list grows, we offer the Canadian geese ornament representing day six. Now that the bird list is getting long, and technically day seven is another bird, and a basic swan at that, here’s where we’re going to take creative license and interpret the swan as the swan dive. And really, we don’t have a middle-aged-dad-swan-diving ornament, so instead our artistic liberty interprets the seven-day swan as the scuba diver ornament. Day eight employs eight maids a’ milking. This could get tricky with labor laws and the fact that not many people have a spare barn to house the cows or the eight maids who show up as a generous, surprise, Christmas gift. We presume they’re milking cows, but technically they could be milking goats or as a popular movie once suggested, cats. It’s not clear if the maids invite one more friend and become the nine ladies dancing or if this is a whole new group of nine ladies who love to shimmy and break it down, but our best interpretation of these nine ladies would have to be our graceful hula dancer ornament. Hope there are enough grass skirts to go around. Not to be shown up, ten lords show up, leaping (or doing an Irish jig maybe?). The song doesn’t give good reason as to the leaping, so we have a few suggestions. Could it be they are leaping over a camp fire, trying not to get burned? Did their team win the big game and they’re leaping for joy? Or possibly they’re so happy that the song is nearly over and they had been waiting so long for their time to shine. But adding to the chaos would be the eleven pipers piping. We hope in this day and age they aren’t smoking pipes because that could cause some lung damage and potentially start a fire. We think that eleven bagpipes piping is the likely and more accurate interpretation and we have the perfect ornament for it. The list started with birds and is ending with a lot of large animals, dancing, jumping and musical instruments. Ending with a literal bang are twelve drummers drumming. We hope they handed out some ear plugs before they started, and we hope their song doesn’t last into the night.
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